A Kind Word on Battlefield 1 (Will it be Pretty Beta?)


[Cancer Music] [Good Intro Music] Ok, I know that this is a big ask considering most of my audience are disgusting Millennials. (says the millennial) Do any of you remember all the way back too… three or four months ago? When the Call of Duty Trailer dropped, and it was about as well received as an Ebola Patient? Then shortly afterwards, BattleField 1 was announced and that was received like a man of whom, The Ebola Vaccine streams endlessly out of his twelve inch cock. (edgey) People were Elated! Finally, a shake-up to the F.P.S, Multi-Player Landscape. (BEST VISUAL JOKES) It’s not just the same old shit, we have repeatedly gotten over the past decade, no! This is set in World War 1, a time period untouched by modern games developers. What? Verdun? Never heard of it. Ok, in all fairness World War I has largely been avoided by the mainstream And in all fairness, you can’t really blame them. The politics that triggered World War I, weren’t nearly as unambiguous sexy as those of it’s squeal. And there wasn’t as nearly as much genocidal Intent, Outrageous! However, That’s history, boring shit. Point is, BattleField 1 was announced, everyone was super excited. It looked like it was going to be the big fresh new thing that was going to completely revolutionize the F.P.S multi-player genre. And then, Overwatch kind of came out and that was diffidently more unambiguously sexy. So everyone just kind of forgot about BattleField 1. But then the Beta dropped and everyone was excited for a little bit. And I didn’t get around to make a video about it, cause, I’m bad at what I do. But there it is, I am talking about it, I am very relevant. So, I played the Beta, I had a red hot go of it. My first impressions were, “wow, just wow”. I was unbelievably impressed, just utterly, blown away. By just how, Fucking boring it was Like, “wow, my god”! this was supposed to be the big shakeup? the big change? Everybody was waiting for? Look, I am quite familiar with the typical BattleField experience, Right? You run around in a big, empty field. Then you die for some reason. I, I, I can get into that, Fair enough, however the tremendous revelation that everybody was flipping their tit’s over? Was, the fact that all the guns were slightly shittier? Really? Look, I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to this; the trailers, the game play, shite. I was expecting something like; “Wolfenstein: the new order”, Alternate history with Magic Moon Nazis Vs. The techno Jews But, Ok, They didn’t go that far, But, They got pretty fucking close. With tanks and armored vehicles being only slightly less abundant than the grains of sand. Weapons, that didn’t hit “mainstream” popularity until after the fucking war. And horses that are made of bullet proof, steal plating. Look, I understand that I am being a panikity cunt, I, I can accept that. I am all for the suspension of disbelief. Particularly if your trying to make World War I a fun, exhilarating, and borderline whimsical experience. If you were shooting for realism, you would be role playing as some miserable bastard, whaling away the wee hours, by, dying in a hole. What I am trying to say, was World War I, just a bit shit. And this game, [*Mumbles*] the Beta, I understand, I understand it’s a Beta, fuck you. Was really fucking boring, Dull and interesting game play and mechanics. Completely unbalanced classes. And just, just to think of anything fun, I decided to get some context, so, what I did to get some context, Was I quit BattleField 1’s Beta and I played Call of Duty: Black ops 3, on PC. Oh, fucking “Parousal my bamboozle”. I now understand why people are getting sick of this fucking franchise. I mean Yah, it was fun, for like, one percent of the time, when I was actually shooting people’s, With my “Giant, Penis, Fuck Rifle”. And the people’s were gently falling over, to have a little nap. That death animation is so bad. However, After you have been Quote, Unquote, “brain blasted”, by enough machine-gun arms and Wolverine light saber claws. You start to think that this game, which was meant for competitive E-Sports, Mind you, it’s just a might unbalanced. In fact, you might almost say that this game is as unbroken as a faberge egg getting shoved up a virgin asshole. The PC port, was done by a pack of chimp’s with altimeters. The game play, that attempts to be fun and invigorating, just ends up becoming inevitably repetitive. And the future setting is utterly “half-assed”. Oh, “We’ve got a few robots and cyborg arms and we’ve super glued a couple L.E.D’s to your gun’s”, “And everything is so washed with a grey pallet, you think you fucking got Glaucoma”, “Our future is so gritty, and realistic”. [Chuckles] No, fuck you, fuck this game. Your feature setting is dick. While stuff like “Overwatch” is infinitely better, because it’s actually bright, and colorful, and poppy. And it actually has distinct character, and personality, and an actual spec of creativity and originality to it. Oh, Ah, but for just of those who are uninformed, the phrase “creativity” and “originality”, Eh, in the games industry, Eh, that basically translates to: “How well you copy Valve”. Now, that I have reached the point that my standards have been set lower than America’s electoral approval rating. I had another crack at Battle Field, and Ah, you know, my first impressions were great. In fact I was bored stupid. However, After a little bit of persistence and sticking with it for a little longer. You know what? I actually found a little enjoyment in it, In fact, fuck enjoyment, there were some moment’s where I had a big stupid grin, spray painted across my face. Cause, you know, it actually started to make sense to me now. Battle Field, how it’s always worked, is that it paces it’s self, you know? Yah, It’s always a mystery what kills you, but mysteries are sexy. And I can Imagine what killed me had massive tits. But, in “Call of Duty”, you always know what it is. It’s some prepubescent dick-head trying to be edgy. By calling you a “Nig-Nol”, it’s trying to be rock’s out, with it’s cock’s out, twenty-four-seven. But in reality, you just end up doing the exact same thing, over, and over, and over again. So, you can unlock, slightly different, flashy sticks, so you can keep on doing, The exact thing, over, and over, and over again, but slightly more efficiently. Oh, and if you want to “kick-in” a few bucks for a couple of “knife boxes”, that’ll be grand. Battle Field however, has magical, armor plated, horses. And with those horses, you will lead into adventures, completely unforeseen. The vast periods of nothing build tension, and contrast beautifully with those moments, When your, charging at a tank, head first, with your magic horse, sword aloft, screaming: “Aloe Akbar” Oh, and if you want to “kick in” a couple of bucks for a couple of “knife boxes”, that’ll be grand. Or, to put this in simpler terms, “Battle Field” is “Alien Isolation”, while “Call of Duty” is “Five night’s at Freddys”. And “Overwach” is “Overwatch”. and “Overwatch” is fucking sweet mate. And makes both of these games redundant. Because games like “Overwatch”, and”Doom”, and “BattleBor”[Cut’s Him self of due to the thought of “Battleborn”]. Are just so much exponentially better, because they bend realism over a pommel horse and Rudder it simple with a comedically large dildo. Is it fair, to keep comparing “Overwatch” to; “Battle Field” and “Call of Duty”? Well? Yes, No, and Yes. Cause, you know, they are in the exact same genre, But, They try to do the same thing, but in entirely different ways, But, THEY ARE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING GENRE! Oh, and if you want to “kick in” a couple of bucks for a couple of “knife boxes”, that’ll be gran.. [Cut’s himself off] And those are my thoughts on the “Borderlands” 1 Beta. Just a solid looking game, can’t wait for it to come out. Good night. [Outro Music] Hey, thank you for watching, I hope you enjoyed the video. Make sure to leave a comment, on stuff you want me to do in the future, or, You know, Just, what do you think? Why did you bother wasting your time on this shit? Just anything, Leave anything, It’ll help the channel, [Sighs] I don’t know, analytics are stupid and annoying. Just, Leave a like, if you like. Do whatever. Eh, if your wondering why I’m sounding so shit at the moment, It’s because, I used a, I managed to find, I managed to dig up my first ever microphone. The first microphone I ever used, to make a video. And you can see why I scrapped it Immediately. It sounds like shit. It sounds like I’m speaking within somebody’s fat folds. It’s absolutely awful. Anyway, Eh, Yah, Leave a comment and make sure to check out my second channel. I might as well pimp that out, do, might as well do something with this end card, hopefully. Yah, I, Ah, People are wondering where my first video went? I put it on the second channel. I put it on the second channel, because, it was fucking awful, I’m thinking about making a remastered version, You know, with “fresh” audio and animation, and all that. Ya know, Doing something like that to celebrate 100k Subscribers, If, when, fuck it, when. Stroke my ego, Why not? Yah, maybe make a remastered version of my first video, because, Eh, Let’s be honest here, most people get a bunch of youtubers to “roast” them. Yah, that’s fucking original. And that’s not completely, fucking, over done. “Oh, look, I got so many, big internet friends”. Yah, it’s stupid, don’t do that, anyway; thank you for enjoying the video, make sure to enjoy the video, make sure to leave a comment, if you liked the video, please like, and do other things, with the stuff, [Unintelligible mumbling], Cheery Bye! [Wild Spartan]: I’m going to be honest dead honest here, I was never planning to make this video ten minuets long, but then i put everything in the timeline, I saw, it was 9:45, And I had to waste your time, By telling you I wanted to make it 10 minuets long, for more add revenue, for about 15 seconds. So, it’s over 10 minutes long, so that I can make more add revenue. If you made it this far, I’m actually fucking proud of you. Good Shit. MEGA FAGGOT!

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