A SLAP ON TITAN 08: Assault on the Armory


Here you go, there’s about a third left. It should get you there. Just leave me your blades so I can commit ritual seppuku. But… Mikasa… Why?! Armin… I’m the only asian here. If anyone’s committing seppuku, it’s me. Besides.. ..you’d fuck it up. But I practiced the motions and everything! Shut up and hop on my back, you’re riding bitch Armin! Not again! Mikasa: Head out, we’re taking Casanova Titan with us too. [Jean’s thoughts] No, happy Tom is dead Without his chipper step and inflammable cheer- -How will we survive? This…is the end.. (whoosh) Wait…no, the titans are distracted. THIS IS IT, THIS IS OUR CHANCE! Jean: Cadets! Did you all get soft seeing our comrade fall? Well you can die here! I have an empire to build! ONWARDS! TOWARDS MONEY!!! [Jean’s thoughts, again.] Happy Tom’s demise gives us the chance to escape. May the Walls bless you, you unnaturally jovial fuck. Jean: TO GLORY!!! (3DMG noises) (3DMG goes forward) (WHOOSH) (Mikasa being a badass, as usual.) (Wrestling bell dings) Martin: Now the crowd is going wild out here, Jim- -We haven’t seen Titan-on-Titan action like this Since we leaked Hulk Hogan’s private hentai collection! Jim: Just look at that beat down, wow Martin! It’s like watching a home video of my sunday night family dinner! Martin: Don’t worry Jim, she may burn everything in the kitchen, but at least she can’t burn the beer! Jim: Thank the Walls for that and life! Jean: Come on, come on, COME ON! ???: WOOOOOO!!! Titan: gotcha bitch! Jean: No! Fuck you! MY GREED WILL NOT BE TAMED! Marco: Hey, Jean! Boy, howdy. If you didn’t believe in miracles, I bet you do now! Jean: It wasn’t a miracle, it was lubrication and will! Marco: That’s nice, but now that you’ve had a near death experience, have you considered- -Accepting me as your lord and savior? Jean: You’re not a prophet, Marco! Marco: But I am! And one day I will be eaten for your sins! Horseface: NO! Marco: Accept me into your life! Heretic: No means NO, Marco! (Titan chatter) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (crunch) Jean: GODDAMMIT! Mikasa! HERE I COOOOOOOOOME! (Glass shatters) (Jean’s spine fucking snaps in half) (glass shatters again) [Jean’s thoughts] Did I make it? Was I the first? [Jean’s thoughts] Good. Good, it looks like I was. Oh thank the Walls, I was so worri- (someone coughing) Jean: How the FUCK did you get here before me? Man under table: Wha-what are you talking- (punch) Jean: FUCK YOU, Mikasa was mine! Everyone knew I was to be the first! I was to be the one! How could you have beaten me? What’s your secret, pawn?! Woman: There is no secret! We were stationed here and got trapped inside! We’ve been here since the battle started! Jean shorts: Huh? Woman: Huh? (WALL EXPLODES) (Mario Bros jump sound) (everyone) SCREAMING [Jean’s thoughts] No, this is the end. I tried to build an empire but now the walls are crumbling around me! Literally! [Horseface’s thoughts] Remember me, suit vest, as I always was. A douchebag. Male Redneck Titan: aww, look at him. So tiny.. Female Redneck Titan: I just wanna take ’em back to the trailer park and eat him up! (titan on the right) Whos the cute lil baby? Whos the cute lil- (Jean) Wait what? (TITAN PUNCH) (thud) ( titan on the left) awwe, shit Cletus, he just dropped the shit outta us like a barnyard bust up, are you gonna take that? (cletus titan) Hell naw, Martha you slick back, let a real man handle this (cletus titan) We’s about to rassle! (Emo titan roars) (Jean) By the Walls, Its a Titan With a massive overbite, and with a lame, silly ass haircut ( Glass shatters) (armin screams) (Horsehead) MY MIDNIGHT GEISHA! (Connie), Wow Armin, its empty. If I had huffed this just one more time, we wouldnt have made it (Douchebag) My oriental queen, are you alright? Because eh I was the first to reach the armory (Connie) Hooray for getting high! and knowing your limits! Ha ha! This is fucking great! Jean! Jean! I got bad news for ya buddy! Mikasa doesn’t wanna fuck you! She wants to fuck the titan! (female background character) Mikasa wants to bang a titan? How is that possible? (Male background character) Can we fashion an emergency strap-on? (Horsey) What? But how could anyone want to bang- (Mikasa) Jean The desires I may or may not have are mine and mine alone. If this is going to be a problem, Please step closer so I may punch you square in the face (TITAN PUNCH) (Martin) AND the emo titan stands alone, ready to defend his title. Crack open another one, Jim this is suiting up to be the best royal rumble yet. (titans are pretty damn tall) (ding ding ding) (Martin) And he armbars the titan that looks like my old math teacher (Jim) Thats what he gets for likin numbers (Martin) And he squashes the little ones beneath him (Jim) Wow Marty, this is more one sided than my last divorce settlement (Martin) Yeah, well Jim you might wanna consider not beating your wives! (Both laugh) (Tiny titans singing) (Reiner) Dude, Connie, you wanna watch while Annie blows me dude? Like, I totally guilt tripped her for not giving me a hand job And upgraded my ticket. Hugh hugh hugh ( Connie) No, man, why the hell would I wanna see that? (Reiner) Dude, I can’t get a hard on unless someone else is watching Come on, breh. Poundtown. (Jean) Attention cadets! We’ve got a box of rifles with one round each. Worse, the gas supply is swarming with titans. I’m open to suggestions (background guy) Let’s give them all to Mikasa, and build a giant multi rifle wielding mech for her (Jean) What is this, a fucking anime? No! (Background guy in the middle) Lets use them to commit suicide! 🙂 (Jean) NO! (Background guy to the right) LeTs plAY scRabBLE (Jean) No goddamnit! Anyone have any decent ideas? (someone) Armins got one! (Jean)… …Dear god…. Alright, how bad is it? (Armin) Its an old revenge ceremony I used to enact with dolls (Background voice) Holy shit this kid is fucked (Armin) In my most elaborate rituals, I would act as if the dolls could see me, and I would stab their eyes out before burning them alive! (Marco) Thats…interesting, but..hows that gonna help us? (Armin) Because you’ll sneak out onto the rafters above them and take them out, Right after we shoot them in the eyes! (Marco) Armin, you have an unhealthy obsession with ocular trauma (Armin) Its like closing up the windows to their souls! (Reiner) Heh, it looks like Armeen came up with a pretty good plan (Annie) You’re the creepiest little shit I’ve ever seen, but hey, not bad Alright people, lets move! Horrific death awaits! Wow Armin, people are actually doing what you planned. I know. Its arousing. I wish Eren were he to see it. Yeah…How’re you holding up on the whole,you know Him being dead? I’m…I’m fine Alright cool see ya! Wait! Can I ask you something? Sure (This is stupid, but.. Say I, hypothetically had romantic feelings for my fake brother… (You mean Eren? Yeah, sure Had I ever acted on those feelings..would it have been wrong? Mikasa, why are you asking me about social protoccol Because you’re the only one I can trust not to tell anyone And besides, even if you talked, Everyone would assume you were just being your usual creepy self and ignore you Wow Mikasa, thats cold hearted manipulative genius I’m sorry, I just really need to know I’ve never seen you in this light before Is it wrong? Hey, can I have a lock of your hair? Armin, answer the question! Geez, okay! I…I don’t think its wrong Mikasa He wasn’t your real family anyways So even if you had incest banged it would have been fine Its not incest, damnit I know, I know, I just prefer to think of it that way BITCH, don’t even give me that look You already KNEW what you were getting into asking me for advice (Connie) Reiner, she said no. focus on the mission Heh..Hey Annie, is your middle name caboose? Cause you’re about to get a train run on you Reiner, a caboose goes behind a train It doesn’t get anything run on it! (Sasha) Yeah, dumbass! Yeah, yes it does…caboose Your joke doesn’t make sense But, heh..trains, man! (Horse face) Jesus christ, reiner. Listening to you is like watching faces of meth THATS MY FAVORITE SHOW! (Titan) Creepin through this motherfuckin storage like a G, titan ninja (Titan) nigga why you so quiet No man Im afraid of the dark im always nervous a motherfuckin spider gonna jump out get my ass ay dont say dat im afraid of the dark too keep yo voice down i know there a spider around here ok ok, dayum where you at homie where you at yo hey hold my hand, man no homo a-a-alright be cool here, let me work my way over (Bert)Sasha..what the FUCK are you doing? (Sasha) Its my stealth noise Shut the fuck up, you’re gonna get us found (everyone starts humming) Everyone shut the fuck up! (noise continues) (Gun sounds) HEY,NIGGEH! OHHH, shit!Am i trippin on acid? I cant be seein this shit. I CANT be seein this shit Oh shit, this really isnt dayum, this is like publishers clearing house prize patrol this is like winning the lottery, there my pot of gold at the end of the double rainbow (Marco) Ready! I knew leprechauns was real! Hold! I wanna thank god, the academy Aim (Titan) And the lucky charms mascot For this very special moment FIRE!! (PEW PEW) (SLASH) (MISS) oh YOU bitch motherfukas don pissed me off now itd be some other white motherfukers jumpin out of the rafters i knew it was too good to be true my boy was crippled you like reality tv bitch? lemme show you reality (saved yo ass) (Sasha) Mikasa! You goddess! I’m not worthy! (Connie) You really saved my ass Annie, thanks. (Annie) No problem (Reiner) Those were some sick moves Annie. You got any more Eh, hugh eheheh Pound town… (Jean)Its safe, come on down (yaaay) ( Connie) Ha! Hell yeah, muchachos Look at all this gas Now that your tanks are full, try huffing it (Guy) Thats a great idea! (Another Guy) Lets all do it! We survived, lets get high! We deserve this! (Marco) Jean, I think you could be a great leader (Jean) Oh? Why is that? Because you’re a pussy And pussies understand how pussies feel And sometimes the leader that pussies need to guide them, Happens to be the biggest pussy of them all You’re that giant pussy, Jean. You are. (Jean) Wow. You freckled fuck. Thanks? You’re welcome. Let me know anytime you wanna talk about your sins (Horsey) No. (Stoned laughter) (WHOOSH) (WHOOSH) (Armin) Mikasa! Hey whats wrong? Look! Oh no Mikasa, your boyfriend is getting eaten out And it looks like hes enjoying it. We have to rescue him, no matter what! (Reiner) We’ll help you Mikasa, as someone who appreciates the alpha lifestyle I have to say your boyfriend over there is FUCKIN killin it! Seriously, I have been fuckin injecting these asscheeks for years And I’ve never gotten that ripped I need to know his secret (Jean) Reiner, are you serious What about me? If that titan dies then my dreams may one day come true! (Annie) Jean, this is the first time in hours Reiner hasn’t sexually harassed me Shut the fuck up (Reiner) Yeah whatever, bitch, you’re the biggest cocktease ever Yeah, seriously though, I gotta know his secret P90X, insanity? Whats his cramp routine? Does he eat those gummy multis like me or do I gotta step up my injection schedule? Its the titan that ate Thomas! (Stomp) (Roar) (CRUNCH) WOOOOO Fuckin turbo bro! Get some Torine in that! Bust up a power set, bro! (WOOO! Go hard!) (YEAAA, fuck those guys up (Jean) Alright. So hes a badass (Roaring) (Armin) Hes falling! (Reiner) OH no, not an overdose bro!! (Reiner)BRO! BRO!! (Jean)Well, thats my cue Mikasa, If you ever need to cry in a real mans arms, I’ll be safely back at the barracks, Adjusting suit vest to recieve your ample busom HUH? Okay, seriously hes dead Get over it, and get in my arms. Its a great idea. Wait what the fuck? What the fuck is that? (oh fuck my entire life and soul) (Mikasa) Please.. Eren, please be alive Please be alive! Can it really be you? Don’t be dead I can’t lose you all over again. Eren, please! Eren, say something! Say anything! (Eren)(Unintelligible shit) What was that? (Eren) Damn you…Mikasa.. I love you, Eren I love you so much! (Crying) (Eren) Yeah…squeeze me (Reiner) Woah, so like, this entire time Mikasa actually wanted to fuck her brother! (Mikasa) Shut up, Reiner (Armin) Eren is alive! And his limbs are back! Oh my god..this means.. (Eren) Yes, Armin! Now I will train you in the art of facial hair! YES! And now this world shall burn! Eren.. I don’t know how, but, thank you. (Jean) Erens not dead… I never slept with Mikasa.. And we’re all going to live. Worst Day EVER

100 thoughts on “A SLAP ON TITAN 08: Assault on the Armory

  1. Hey all, Episode 7 is down while we work out a copyright dispute with Production I.G.
    Hopefully they'll understand it's a parody work and if everything goes smoothly, we should see it back up on Youtube in 30 days.
    For now, you can watch Episode 7 (and the entire series!) on www.slapontitan.com
    Praise the Walls!

  2. I'm giving a wild guess that at the end of season 2, mikasa is going to tell eren she is in love with him and he will accept it.

  3. Is it just me or did I think Eren Annie were the only titan shifters when I was first watching the first season

  4. Marco: “your that giant pussy John, you are”

    John: Wow, you freckled fuck”

    😂😂😂 This made my day!!!

  5. When I originally watched the armory episode, and Connie and Sasha messed up all you could hear through my house was “YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB”

  6. I swear the best characters in this parody are the side characters
    The main characters are great but they can't compete

  7. Can we just appreciate the person (or people) who voice act the Titans? Like, I love me some stereotypical black talk (being Afro-American myself), but these guys just made it how much better for me! XD

  8. Am I the only one found in 13.52 sound like monster in ultraman gaia movie?? Or just my hallucination of sound haha, BTW, Omg u r so freakin good in editing man~it always make me laugh till die XD

  9. Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan Nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan nanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananamananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan

  10. 9:58

    Don't give the Cadets swords and Sasha. Half of them must've inhaled their gas supply.
    WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO GIVE THE HIGH CADETS SWORDS AND SASHA'S DUMB ASS???

  11. Meanwhile in Season 3:

    Kidnapper 1: Okay we got Eren and Historia, now we need t-

    Mikasa: nenenenenenenenenenenenenenene

    Kidnapper 2: Wait wait wait wait… do you hear that?

    Mikasa: nenenenenenenenenenenenenenene

    Kidnapper 3: I think we’ve got an intruder

    Mikasa: nenenenenenenenenenenenenenene

    Kidnapper 4: Wow no shit, Bil- wait… where’s the guar-

    Mikasa: SURPRISE KNEE!!!!

    Kidnappers: OH SH- gets le knocked out

  12. Sasha:nanananananananan conny:shut up sasha: but it my stealth noise everbody:nananananananananananaNANANANANA

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