Can I have sex after assault and trauma? Lesbian Sex 101 – Stevie Boebi and Jimanekia Eborn


Hi guys, I’m Stevie, and this is a disclaimer well, this is a mug, but this is a disclaimer whoo Today I’m doing a video with my friend Jimanekia Jimanekia is a s*xual trauma expert who teaches comprehensive s*x ed ages K through 12 and does healthy sexuality consulting for TV and Film And we’re gonna be talking about how to have s*x after experiencing sexual assault. We’ll be discussing step-by-step ways to engage in healthy sexual activity, protect yourself, and ask for what you need. We’re also going to talk about how to be a good ally to a survivor of trauma. So if you’re ever planning on having s*x with a survivor, pay attention. So, in order to talk about these very sensitive subjects we’ll also be using some very sensitive language surrounding sexual assault and abuse. If you are not in a place to hear this type of language I totally get it. Subscribe and bookmark it for when you are ready, or just come back for the next video. See you then. And since you won’t be around for Jimanekia’s Gems. Oh my god, did I just make that up? Follow her on Instagram. And… now is a perfect time to bring up this video’s sponsor: Better Help AKA an online counseling service, and more specifically, my personal online counseling service that I actually have been using for a while. I really love Better Help because for me I’m looking for a very specific set of skills that a therapist might need. I personally need someone who has experience with trauma and anxiety and LGBTQ stuff, and also non-monogamy. So someone that is specialized in all of those things might be hard to find, might not be cheap enough, might not be able to accept any new clients. If you’re not somewhere where you have access to that like Los Angeles like I am, or maybe you don’t have any therapists that specialize in LGBT stuff, you’re able to have access to someone with those expertise through an online counseling service. And mine just happens to be Better Help. Basically put what you’re looking for, anything that you want to list and it’s kind of like, like an ad, that you post for yourself kind of, but they just match you with a counselor or therapist that fits your needs. And it usually happens like in less than 24 hours, which is really cool. And then you can fire them whenever you want, which is like, my favorite. When someone says something I don’t like I’m like “Okay. Fired.” It takes a lot more energy for me to fire someone in real life. Click a button, “bye, next” And then have a new one in 24 hours instead of having to like go out and search for one myself. I just really wanted to tell you guys about Better Help because it’s been helping me a lot, and I think it could help you. Doesn’t everyone need therapy, but especially those who have been through trauma. Also, I can like call or text or Skype or whatever with my therapist or email instead of having me like go into an office. Love it. So this is technically an ad but I reached out to them because I want every single person to know about this service cuz, I just, I love it so much. There’s a link in the description you can click and sign up and let me know how it works for you. So let’s hear what Jimanekia has to say. So to start off with, how do you know that you’re ready to have s*x after experiencing something like sexual assault or rape? Jimanekia: I think it’s different for everyone. I think everyone’s healing process is different. You have to figure that out for yourself, which means like you have to have gone through different techniques to be like you know what, maybe I’m ready. Stevie: What advice would you give to someone who wants to be an ally? Jimanekia: So being an ally is someone that truly understands what kind of world that we’re in, that there is a lot of sexual assault around us and like acknowledging that and also acknowledging that that’s not okay, and that you want to do something about it instead of just being a random bystander that’s just like ‘oh that’s a thing’. An ally is someone that actually continues getting educated continues educating others and also is very supportive. Stevie: Now for those of y’all that like lists… like me… Capricorn: Oh, you rang? Stevie: Right, right, right, sorry for all the capricorns in the room Jimanekia has some lists of do’s and don’ts: Don’t demand to know the details of what happened. Don’t force your opinions or views on them. Do not question why they haven’t moved on from this yet. Do not make this about you. Don’t out them to other people; all survivors are not public. Do not quote things you’ve seen off of movies. Don’t question the survivor. Do not give unwanted advice, safety tips, or explanations. Capricorn: I actually respond better if you tell me exactly what to do so that I know in advance if I’m gonna f*ck it up. If there’s a chance I’ll f*ck it up, I just won’t leave my house. Stevie: I literally hate all horoscopes. This list of do’s and don’ts is super helpful not only for the ally, but as a survivor you’ll be able to see if they line up to those things and so that you don’t accidentally f*ck a pile of garbage. And you want to make sure that they’re gonna listen to your needs and piles of garbage can’t listen at all 8because they have no f*ckin ears, or respect for you. One time my ex, when I told her about my rape, she told me it wasn’t really rape cuz I didn’t fight hard enough. Jimanekia: I don’t know what that means she sounds like NOT a great ally. Stevie: Yeah… So that’s an example of not being a good ally And I had to take a Xanax right before filming this this video is not sponsored by Xanax though ‘kay bye… [BEEEEP] [elevator music] Drugs are bad, ‘mkay? Huge trigger warning and lot of the stuff people have actually said to me: Capricorn: Why are you so jumpy all the time? I’m not that person. [Wrong answer BUZZ] I told you to not even go out that night. [BUZZ] I don’t understand why you keep crying [BUZZ] I totally get it; here’s what happened to me when I was assaulted [BUZZ] Stevie: ya, PS absolutely do not share your trauma story with someone unless you’ve asked them if–that–if you can share it with them. It is so triggering for someone especially if they might not be ready to hear that right now. They might not have the emotional energy to take that on. And to another survivor this is one of the most triggering things you can do. Capricorn: So… the list? So do be open to listening. Be aware of your implicit biases. Do only what is asked of you and not what you think should be done. Know that someone is trusting you. Believe them. [Capricorn takes notes] Help them find resources, whatever type that they might need. Support them and help them do things that make them feel like themselves. Speak up and support survivors when they are not around. Remind them that it’s not their fault and be patient. Clone: I’m sorry. I know things are different is there anything I can do or not do to help support you? [Right answer bell DING!] Hey, this is not your fault. You did not ask for this to happen to you? [DING!] This has been a lot. Is there anything you need from me right now? [DING!] I’ve had a similar experience and I know how difficult and traumatizing it can be [DING!] You don’t have to tell me anything but know that I am here for you, and you’re not alone. [DING!] The last thing on Jimanekia’s list was: Do educate yourself about sexual and intimate partner violence and begin to understand the impact that it has on the individual, relationship, community, and societal levels. If you’re trying to support survivors of sexual assault you better learn how to…support survivors of sexual assault. One great way to do that is asking for consent, always asking for consent forever till you die, thanks. Jimanekia: I think everyone handles, like being a survivor, differently. I think that’s why it’s really important for consent because sometimes they can be like, “You know what, can we just do the thing?” I think that is a different form of consent.
Stevie: Mmhm. Yeah. Jimanekia: I mean if you start out your conversation or your relationship and you’re like, “Hey. I personally would love to tell you yes right now in this moment because I trust you.” and that’s giving the consent to do the situation. Some people are like, “Hey, when we’re doing this position, can you check in? Other than that we’re good to go.” So because consent can be given and taken at any time. So if you need to check in with someone that can just be your consent. But knowing what you need I think is the most important part. Aquarius: Consent that’s like, it’s like permission right? Stevie: It’s exactly like permission. Aquarius: Interesting… I really like to… How do I put this… do exactly what I want when I want it without really involving anyone else in my decision-making or even considering how a might affect them. So how do I still do that? Stevie: You should never have s*x. A really sexy way to ask for consent is to tell someone what you want to do to them and then if they give you the go-ahead like ‘I would love you to do that to me too.’ Then you get the go ahead. Aquarius: Telling someone what I want to do to them does sound controlling enough to still be hot. Stevie: Ugh of course you think that. It’s also important for you as a person who has experienced trauma to talk about your boundaries before you have s*x. So say you’ve been in a romantic relationship where asking for consent wasn’t a huge part of your sexual experiences. How can you start to do that in a way that doesn’t feel unnatural or bad or whatever? Jimanekia: First you have to be patient with yourself because you never know like how it’s really gonna go and you may start to have the conversation and be like ‘you know what maybe I need to come back to this’ but overall you really need to figure out like what your needs are so you can ask for them and having that conversation, it may be hard, but you set it up. So it’s like, “Hey. There’s this thing I’d like to talk to you about.” Throwing it out like in a casual way may be helpful. But also being firm in like what your needs are. But you still have to learn what your needs are but being patient with yourself while you’re doing all this, it’s extremely important. Stevie: As the person who has been through assault and wants to get to f*cking again you have to take on the responsibility of asking for what you need. If you aren’t at least ready to be clear about some of things you need, you might want to wait a little bit before you jump back in. Capricorn & Aquarius: and what if I like to communicate silently? Stevie: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I literally hate all horoscopes. So if you don’t want to actually talk about it, a cool workaround would be for you to tell your partner if I don’t want your head a certain way, I will move your head away. So say you’re a survivor and you want to get into something casual that’s not so much deep or serious or whatever, when and how should you or… Like how do you have that conversation with people or do you have to? Jimanekia: You don’t have to disclose Anything to anyone that you’re not ready to, but when you are ready, I think it’s important for yourself To state like ‘hey these are my hell-yeses And these are my hell-no!’s’ like putting that down in the beginning and Letting them know like what you’re down to do and what you’re not down to do and then also being like, “Hey. Also, can you just check in with me while we’re doing things?” Is really important like holding your space and knowing like what feels good to you and what doesn’t. Stevie: It is possible to be unexpectedly triggered so communication is extremely important through all of this. If you don’t feel safe it might be best to communicate to your partner that now might not be the right time. Literally anything can trigger you so it’s important that you’re having s*x with someone who understands Or as a very least won’t make you feel embarrassed or weird about wanting to stop also It’s kind of hard when you’ve experienced trauma to remember that s*x can be fun like rougher s*x or kinky s*x how do you Start to do that again, maybe after you’ve already done all of the checking in and training your new ally partner Jimanekia: So I think it’s really important to have a safe word, something easy that you can remember something like green red yellow Stevie: Those are good ones Jimanekia: these simple basic ones and knowing What those mean to you and also making sure your partner knows these are your things and what that means. Trying different things and then easing into things that are harder and Still checking in because you’re a great ally now You know how to do consent and check-ins so check in as you do different things like ‘hey Can I tie you up?’ ‘cool like where would you like to tie me up?’ ‘great, I would love to be tied up with my wrists behind my head’ Stevie: You might be dealing with a lot of things that seem confusing and like Jimanekia said it’s normal It’s all normal Jimanekia: It’s normal Stevie: trust yourself have patience with yourself try s**t alone And if someone is questioning your needs ‘bye!’. Scorpio: Hey, hey, why wasn’t I in this video? Thank you so much for watching, thanks so much to Jimanekia for her Brilliance- follow her on instagram- I want to keep making videos talking about stuff like this and all of these video topics are coming from The questions that you guys send me So leave some in the comments about Future videos and things you’ll need to talk about and thanks so much to better help for sponsoring and letting me tell all of you Guys about them if you’re considering any version of a counselor or therapist literally just click the link in the description shout-out to my patrons I’m about to send some more packages in the mail and one of you is getting Ziggy Thank you to Aaron, Alyssa and arena for supporting me on patreon. See you guys next time bye! Jealousy feels like a shockwave over my entire body and little slightly painful tickles in my side Then when it’s super hot to be like yeah, we should crack super hard, but be really quiet about it This says to say happy retrograde, but like mercury is not in retrograde, your coping mechanisms are. You know?

100 thoughts on “Can I have sex after assault and trauma? Lesbian Sex 101 – Stevie Boebi and Jimanekia Eborn

  1. I’m so mad this got demonetized. Also, people who are writing what happened to them in these comments, aren’t you literally doing one of the DON’Ts from this video? Other commenters haven’t said it’s okay for you to tell them. Find a professional or someone you know who wants to and can listen!

  2. This is great! My partner doesn't really understand much of SA struggles, and this helps a lot. Might even show it to them ^^

  3. It took me days to work up the courage to go to this website and try to get help, but I just got an email from them that basically says ' hi, you are too fucked up for us to help you, sorry." I feel great…

  4. This is so helpful, even though I'm still a virgin! I was sexually assaulted by a family member from the ages from 5 to 10, no I don't want pity I am starting to recover from it. I had doubts at first because I came out and I thought it was because of said family member but I've gotten over them. I hope my first time is really special and I will always voice my consent. This has helped me and thousands of other brave women who have been sexually assaulted come to understand that you can gradually move on and get more confident and comfortable with your sex life.

  5. After something happend to me i just label myself as asexual but homoromantic. I am able to change it everytime. So i just wanted to say when you think you aren't able to tell someone what happend then say your asexual. You can anlways explain or change it❤

  6. Thanks for doing this video about trauma! I am a childhood incest survivor and only just remembered my repressed memories a few months ago and although I’m finally healing I’m still learning how to have boundaries and communicate my needs with my partner. This video is so helpful because it normalizes something that can feel really shameful and confusing and puts it in a way that doesn’t feel so taboo. Thank you!! <3

  7. Thank you! ❤️ Your videos are so damn important and how you even manage to make them fun at the same time is amazing.

  8. IF you would except your womanhood instead of confusing your identity you wouldn't need therapy. You gave up the natural for the unnatural out of rebellion. Think about it.

  9. Although I am bisexual, I had a sexual assault experience about 3 years ago with a guy. It made me distrust men to have sex with but women as well. Sexual assaults affects all relationships with any gender. It was a troubling time but now I’m glad I can feel comfortable with my partner that I trust :’)

  10. Omg that Scorpio in the end is so me 😖😂😂 this video was great! Thank you for the positive energy my Monday looks so much better.

  11. Sorry couldn't watch this due to not wanting to be triggered. I was raped 7 years ago. I still struggle with it. Thanks for making this video though, I will probably show it to people.

  12. Hello, if you can spare 1 minute could you please help me get the word out on the cause be simply retweeting this moment/tweet on twitter, you have a far wider reach than I and humbly asking for your help in sharing this link get people informed about #SAAM and ways they can get help, if you decide to here’s is the twitter link below:

    "https://twitter.com/sine_nomine88/status/988245073765814272"

  13. Hello, if you can spare 1 minute could you please help me get the word out on the cause be simply retweeting this moment/tweet on twitter, you have a far wider reach than I and humbly asking for your help in sharing this link get people informed about #SAAM and ways they can get help, if you decide to here’s is the twitter link below:

    "https://twitter.com/sine_nomine88/status/988245073765814272"

  14. Your every video is so educationally and interesting
    💞

    And I can't wait for yours Virgo inerpretation 😇

  15. TW!!! I had sex recently for the first time after being sexually assaulted. It was hard for me not to realize the similarities between the sex I was having and the time I was assaulted. Small, insignificant details reminded me of the assault, I believe that is inevitable. I woke up to the person who assaulted me kissing the back of my neck, and then they were masturbating behind me and I was in a choke hold. When the partner I was with started kissing my neck, of course I remembered it. BUT this time I wanted my neck kissed, and it felt good, and I let him do it. I enjoyed it. We continued from there and had fantastic sex. Please don't let assault or rape hold you back from enjoying sex. TAKE YOUR TIME HEALING. And then find your way back into your groove. I stand with all of you ❤

  16. i was sexually assaulted twice once in middle school in eighth grade and another time in high school about a year and a half ago and it has affected me in ways i didn't think it would i was scared to be intimate because i didn't know who i could trust i would jump every time someone went to touch me and i didn't know still don't know how to deal with it but this video does help and i really appreciate you making this video thank you

  17. This was amazing to see as something I’ve actively been looking for. Whenever I see videos or info about having sex after trauma, it’s always about like super committed normal heterosexual relationships. I can’t even begin to explain how helpful this was

  18. It’s been a weeks since I last saw this and honestly I don’t know why I’m so sensitive to this. I cried watching this but I’m so grateful it exists.

  19. thank you so much for the online therapy service! I really struggle with therapy and opening up to people face-to-face, so I've never really coped well with depression and anxiety because I haven't been able to open up and see a therapist due to it making me feel uncomfortable. online therapy feels like something I definitely want to try out! thank you so much, stevie !! X

  20. I was sexually abused when I was 5 and then again when I was 12…. Everyone thinks I'm gay because of those experiences but honestly that's not true, I was born this way and till now I haven't been able to have sex, not even with girls. I thought for a while that I was asexual. Turns out I'm not. I haven't had sex and I'm scared of it but that does not make me asexual, cause I'm attracted to girls. I think I would be able to have sex after having a strong emotional connection with the right girl, kinda like what some people call "Demisexual". But it's really frustrating because that's the reason why I've never had a girlfriend, cause all of the girls I've dated they already want to make up or have sex like after two weeks of dating. Once I say I'm not ready, they just stop talking to me. I feel like I will never ever find a girl, all because of this. It's really sad cause I'm 22 and I haven't have a relationship, and I just feel like I need that type of love in my life. I feel so alone.

  21. My friend doesn’t sleep with women often but I still sent this to her because she has trauma in general. This was a good video Stevie! You should definitely get certified as a sex Ed teacher

  22. I was raped by a woman last year and I have had extreme difficulties ;( I have a gf now and I'm NO where near ready to be intimate so this video helped a little cuz I can show it to her so thanks.

  23. I'm finally going to talk about this….at a really young age my older cousin that I trusted for years sexually assaulted me multiples times…but he is a junior in highschool now and I'm really scared just to tell anyone about it….I only told my sister and she said he tried to pull the same stuff onto her…I've tried to forgive him but god damn…I was assaulted by other older men as well and I was so fucking young…I dont understand how someone can just do that to a fucking child….

  24. Stevie talk about the time you came out for the first time or maybe a past partner who came out with and you were on a dog page on being open and or maybe you been with someone who only dated you but they are straight

  25. This video helps so much as a survivor. What hurts the most when you're finally ready to tell someone about your story, is that they don't believe you.

  26. Thank you for this, I've always been afraid to get involved with sex because I was afraid on how I would take it. I was molested when I was 11 by an older son of my parents friends, and I'm pretty sure it messed me up. It's sad really, it's not much but it still basically ruined me for years.

  27. Thanks so much this video helped me a lot… I wanna ask if u could do one about abusive relationships and how to put some boundaries into it. Thanks again

  28. Finally got Aquarius representation and it was extremely negative and made Aquarians sound so rape-y and also very controlling which is the exact opposite of Aquarius lmao. I wanted a laugh…too bad.

  29. So I've been avoiding this video for about 2 months because it came out shortly after my sexual trauma occurred. I finally decided it was time to watch and thank you so much Stevie. I sent this video to my best friend so that she knows how to be a better ally to me and it has helped her as well. Thank you for making content like this. <3

  30. thank you for making this!!! 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞 💞💞💞

  31. All I can say is thank you for this. If only I found this before I fucked a couple of piles of garbage who didn’t even make sure I was okay during the experience. 👍🏻

    Let’s just say I wasn’t, but hey, I threw those piles of garbage straight to the curb.

    On another note, I really want your goddamn shirts. Both of them. Especially the real girls kiss girls.

  32. I thought your reaction was interesting in your interview on The Fallen State….seems that you probably don't know what to believe and a lack of understanding is a variable…maybe that's why you got frustrated and left…I feel sorry for you

  33. stevie reading her lines off her phone during the aquarius scene… check it in the sunglasses.

  34. Ok, when my girlfriend told me her story, I was finally ready to tell my story. I didn't know that could be triggering. At that moment I finally built confidence to share what happened to me. I guess should've known it might not have beem the best idea because I was awfully triggered when she told me what happened. I don't think I triggered her though. Did I do something bad by doing this?

  35. Thank you so much for doing this. I may have to watch this several more times to absorb it all. And I feel like all of it was valuable and much needed in the world and by me. It's been slow growing as an ally and I have a long way to go as a survivor. But hey, maybe one of these days I can afford better help or something. Therapists keep telling me I have no right to be as well adjusted as I am and one wanted to devote a chapter of their book to me. Yeah, I don't feel like that really helped lol But I manage. I do that whole frontier mentality pull myself up by my bootstraps take my anti depressants and face the world head on thing. One of these days it may stop working, but I'm good for now. yeah, I should probably watch this again lol

    Again thank you for your support and bravery in doing this. It felt very giving, caring and supportive. Thank you

  36. I’m still a little to young to have sex but what happend to me happend 5 years ago and I’m still not over it even thought I have like a year before I will have sex I’m scared that I won’t even let myself have sex

  37. Yo I teared up watching the do's and don'ts part because I've been assaulted by 3 different people and I've not really received the sort of support and help that I want and need. In fact, after the second time, a few friends actually dropped me because they didn't want to deal with me during this time, so I kept the 3rd time on the DL. This was such a good video and I hope that allies can learn a lot from this for the future.

  38. I've tried to watch this video since it came out, but I can't pass 50 seconds without hating myself.
    I still can't do it😹

  39. I keep waiting for a day when youtubers learn how to use lighting that doesn't BLIND YOU when it's reflected in someone's eyeglasses. Jimanekia had lots of great stuff to share with the viewers, but I was so distracted by that damn ring light blasting out of her lenses that I — literally — had to rewind the entire video and listen to it with my eyes closed.

  40. The content in this video should be taught in sex education classes in middle school/high school because honestly it would help so many people. I had a friend who was raped and everyone in my friend group (including myself) had no idea how to help her and did practically everything on the "don't list" because we never got proper education. So thank you for making this and helping people who don't know how to help others

  41. Excellent and very important video……also I'm Aquarius and very much like your comical depictions except for the empathy to trauma part😘

  42. Hi unfortunately I had to stop the video before it hit the 7 minute mark because I started rocking, which made me realize that I’m not ready to handle this. I look forward to the day that I can watch this video, though. It’s pretty cool because I definitely am taking it better than I would’ve before! That’s growth. ❤️Now to practice self care.

  43. When you were going through the "do's" list, it literally made me tear up. I know it's just examples for the video, but sometimes you just need to hear it from somebody. 💖 thank you Stevie. This video is an incredible resource.

  44. Hey, Stevie, I'd like to thank you for this video (and all others as well). I ws a victim of sexual assault 10 years ago when I was a teenager and only now I'm starting to think about having sex, even though I'm terrified of being triggered and going down to a depressed state again, so I really do appreciate this video and all that was said by you and Jimanekia. Talking about what happened to me is still really hard, so, anyway, thank you.

  45. unexpected triggers are the worst wow oh my god. even merely making out with someone i’m really into can be utterly triggering.

  46. so, I've been stalking your channel and have binged all the things! I love your videos. I love you. I'd also really love for you to make another BDSM video going into the consent stuff a bit more and maybe destigmatizing it a little more. Love Ya!

  47. Thanks Jimanekia and Stevie! This was exactly what I needed, and I feel a lot less stressed about it now.
    I just finished reading "the body keeps the score" and working through a domestic violence workbook, but I got some new advice from your two and your kind voices Really helped.

  48. JIMANEKIA HAS A PODCAST CALLED TRAUMA QUEEN AND IT'S AMAZING!! if you're reading this is 2019 it's in it's second season, and it's fantastic

  49. I am a survivor of childhood sexual trauma. Sex has been a struggle for me most of my life. In my last significant sexual relationship, I finally realized that I was WAY more relaxed about sex if it was okay for me to not HAVE to be touched. The pressure of having to be pleasured would freak me out to the point that I would do nearly everything to avoid sex. She and I tried an experiment where it was agreed that I would NOT be touched, unless and until I initiate her sexual contact on my body. So we started out with the idea that I would just pleasure her, and I found that having the flexibility to NOT HAVE to be touched, getting to pleasure her without the pressure of my own, actually allowed me to naturally become aroused without trauma. In other words, it put me in complete control of my body and in doing so, allowed me to relax and enjoy the experience and become aroused to the point that I wanted to be touched.

    Unfortunately, this annoyed my (former) partner and she was shaming about it. However, I did discover a HUGE workaround for my sexual trauma issues.

  50. Hi Stevie, recently became a huge fan of your work and have been binging on your videos. I admire you for a lot of reasons, one of which being that you always (seem to) know what you're talking about. You do your research, and communicate valuable information to your viewers in an entertaining and easy to understand way. Which brings me to my concern over why you're promoting betterhelp.com, which, yes, has been getting a lot of youtubers to promote them, but I've heard a lot of horror stories about betterhelp as well. While I'm all for more accessible support for people struggling with emotional and mental health issues, I don't think betterhelp.com is a good or safe space at all. Please do reconsider. I know this is an old video so it may be too late but no harm in trying anyway.

  51. I was raped form the age of 8-12 by my brother and then molested at church the summer of my 14th birthday and can't have sex without having flashbacks and panic attacks. I know that it affects my Fiancee, but he's such a champ. We started slow and I've been getting better using exposure therapy and EMDR.

    Also, I had several people say that it wasn't rape because "I let it happen"..

  52. PSA: ok just wanna say that this girl that I’m dating knows that I have been through sexual assault before and she asked the MOST PERFECT QUESTION which is: Is there anything that triggers you that I should know about, so that I can avoid it? I was so surprised (and appreciative) when she asked this and I think it’s a perfect example of what you should do if you’re dating someone who has been raped or sexually assaulted. So, I told her that for me personally, don’t touch my neck. And even if she doesn’t understand why that is, she told me “okay, will do. I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable” and yeah I just want everyone to take note of this :)) (also thank you stevie so much for this video, very needed)

  53. About a year ago i was watching this video to help me understand how to be an ally to my girlfriend but now im here for myself 🙃

  54. I was sexually assaulted by my ex girlfriend 1 year ago and I have a new girlfriend we've been together for a while so this is helping a lot. Thank you ❤️

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