They say you should never order spaghetti
on a first date, for obvious reasons, especially if you’re wearing white. But I reckon if
you have limited art knowledge, attempting to go to an art exhibition on a first date
has to be on par. Both are terrifying scenarios, but art and art exhibitions, they’re not
that intimidating, are they? Well let’s try and break down this impenetrable
world of mystery and fear. Let’s have a bit of fun and get some hot tips from the
staff of the National Maritime Museum here in Sydney. We are here at the Museum’s temporary
exhibition space and I’m surrounded by over 170 art works. Surprisingly, they’re all
about fish and fishing; makes perfect sense. First dates are always going to be uncomfortable,
so my top tip would be to just follow the crowd and copy whatever they say. I would be really impressed if they knew a
lot about the art. I don’t know much about art, so if someone was taking me and could
explain like a painting or a picture. If you were like, right now, in this exhibition
for fish, fish never travel alone and they attract other fish and they are always together,
so I would turn the person that I am brining over here, that I want to be with you like
the fishes do. Well I would break into French. Speaks in
French. And it really doesn’t matter what you say
if you say that, because you say it like that and you had me at bonjour. Exactly. I’ve got one. I was approached several times
by the Museum to put my work on display here, but clearly it was a conflict of interest. I would take her over to the Arthur Boyd here
and say, “It’s good, but I don’t like it quite as much as the one I have at home.” Well I’m into digital media, so I would
go straight to the art works that plug in, like this one, and I would start talking resolution
and pixel density and frame rates. I want to have fun at an art gallery, I want
to know what the art work is making people feel, not all the facts they know about the
art work. Well I would encourage you to go and have
a look at the still life, because there’s nothing more inspirational as lead into a
good dinner than a nice, juicy still life. Well I would naturally go straight for the
art work kind of Perspex glass because that’s going to be the most expensive, isn’t it? And if you are really into this guy, I would
try to do some research before, Google the exhibition or buy the Exhibition program to
be familiar with it. So would you actually look at the subject
matter; is that an insight into you? Because cats eat fish, so are you going to eat fish,
so are you going to eat your first date? Well I hope you did get something out of that.
It’s very difficult to pick a top five in that lot, but at the end of the day, art is
so subjective that if you say what you believe, then you will always be right, whether your
date likes that or not, well that’s another story. Look forward to seeing you soon here
at the Maritime Museum.


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