LGR – Battlefield 3 Beta – Ignorant Review

[typing] Greetings and you know what? I got an awesome idea the other day from one of the wonderful trolls
that likes to troll my channel. He said something along the lines of… [sighs] Uh, I don’t really even know. And I don’t even remember your name, so, uh… yeah, good job. But basically he gave me the idea that I was ignorant. Had no idea what I was talking about. Rambled on about things that didn’t matter. Didn’t do any research, obviously! In fact, I should call my videos
“Ignorant Game Reviews.” Ignorant, huh? Well, I can do that. This is the inaugural edition of… We’re starting to today with the classic Battlefield 3 Beta. Huh. I know everybody’s
already played this and it’s just an old game now, but you know,
we review old games here on Ignorant Game Reviews. In case you weren’t aware,
it’s available on the PC and the Xbox 360 and the PlayStation 3. And I think the Atari 2600. I’ve seen an Atari 2600 version around here. But you know, it’s kind of old. So, to play online you need
a very special network key. You know, the keys back then
were just massive, ridiculous keys, so those are gonna be kinda hard to come by. And yes, being that this is the beta, it is the sequel to the cult classic Battlefield 3 Alpha. Came out in, uh, 1987, I think. By Gremlin. Yeah, it’s a classic game. It was on the, uh, Acorn Electron, the NewBrain, the Sord M5, and few other very common
computers like that from Great Norway. But we didn’t see very much
of it here in the United States of the U.S. So, we have Battlefield 3 Beta. This starts off like every
other AAA title I can remember. That is, starting in a web browser and you get to choose your game mode. Uh, this is the beta,
so it only has one game mode. In fact, there’s only one… map at all. This is Multiplayer Rush Mode. And right now, it’s the Metro map. I was told there would be Facing Worlds in here. Uh, Facing Worlds does not seem to be here. Which is really quite a pain. I enjoyed that in Battlefield Tournament from 1999. However, this one is a pretty good map. So we’ll go ahead and get started here and it will start from the web
browser and into the actual game. And in case you’re not familiar
with the Field of Battle series, this is a game where you
control a gun or a variety of guns and there just happens to be a
humanoid creature attached to the gun. Sometimes you get to see the creature’s feet. Or hands. It’s a really odd concept. I’ve, I’ve never really seen anything like this before. And another thing that’s quite unique, too,
is it controls with the mouse and keyboard. Which is amazing, really.
This is just a great set of controllers.
I would recommend this to anybody. With… a, uh, liking of controllers. The downside to these is they require
cheese and sheet music in order to run. Very heavy emphasis on the cheese there. As well as peanut butter.
That works rather well. I’ve heard a lot of people seem to compare this Battlefield 3 Beeta, Beta, Betta… Bitta… Weta Workshop, to other games like… Modern War…fag 3? I’m not sure what that has
to do with piles of sticks or cigarettes or anything like that. But for whatever reason, a lot of
people that seem to like this game refer to the Modern Warfare people in such a way. It tends to be, uh, quite similar to the war… modern… fare. And that is, you play with other… people or at least something that
resembles human intelligence. Most of the time, they aren’t really intelligent at all. No offense to whoever happens
to be on the screen at the moment. You’re just random, as far as I’m concerned. Just as an example, me and my
friend Vinny were playing the other day, and there happened to be
some lovely person on our team constantly playing the most annoying
possible music and sound effects and anything else possible
just to annoy the crap out of us. And… it worked! And that was the sad part: it actually worked. I thought I was stronger than that. I am not. So never underestimate the power of idiots. So, yeah, you control a gun, and one of the greatest things about
these guns is that they shoot bullets. Bullets are a really, really good thing for guns to have. Because otherwise, you have to go around meleeing people with the butt of your gun Or staring at them and enjoying
the nice, shiny bump mapping in the wonderfully rendered sunlight. While that is enjoyable,
it’s just not as good without bullets. And there are lots of bullets in this game. In fact, there are unlockable bullets to add to your unlockable guns, which can take advantage of these bullets. I did not notice any unlockable arms or feet. That would have been wonderful. You know, kind of like that game Do Sex. Yeah, you know, that game where humans revolve around something in the year 2027. Being able to add arms and legs would be a very nice thing to have in Battlefield 3, but unfortunately, that’s just not here. I don’t really know why. You’d think if they wanted to
compare theirself to Modern Warfare, that they would actually do so by including modern things, like extra legs. Perhaps even elbows. Elbows would be wonderful because there’s recoil. And that’s another thing that
really sucks about these guns, is when they shoot, they move. Ugh! I thought we would be over
that by now, but apparently no. Thankfully, though, there are
some rocks in the game, as well as trees and flowers. The flowers, in particular, never get old. I seem to be staring at them all the time. Because I am always crouching on the ground. And hugging the ground and loving the ground. Because it is kind to me and I seem to die a lot less when I am on the ground. In fact, I enjoyed the ground so much, I suggested to my teammates that we all just hug the ground and never move. In fact, it would be a great place for a campsite. You know, just kind of camping right here. Get a nice fire going and pitch a tent and sing songs about how leet we were by not playing Modern Warfare, but apparently camping is frowned upon in the Field of Battle of the third variety, so apparently, the people that were
on my team were just stupid. I mean, really, there’s no reason not to camp on such lovely ground like this. They ended up calling me a pile of sticks Ah, it happens. So I shot them. And then I noticed when I shot them they didn’t seem to die. Which seemed kind of unfair, you know? Like, there’s some real balance issues there. Like, if my team can’t die, then we really would never lose And sure, that’s cool to effectively be gods, but that’s not what I signed up for. And then I witnessed them all get taken out by one guy on the other team
with a friggin’ rocket launcher And I realized apparently they
can die, but I cannot kill them. That is just one of many, many
bugs I have seen in this game. I mean, there’s a lot more,
as you can see here. There’s just– there’s bugs all over the place. But yeah. Not being able to kill your own teammates is just an incredible oversight
and I really hope they fix that before the final version is released in October… 94th… of next month. Otherwise, it seems like a pretty solid experience. I had a lot of fun controlling my gun and watching my human randomly get in the way of the opponent’s bullets and perforate everything about my being. It’s really what we’ve come to expect from the very underground indie hit of Battlefield I’m not sure if I would really recommend getting it yet because even though it is free, there is no such thing as a free lunch. And I am really quite hungry right now and would eat Battlefield 3 if it were in fact lunch and free. But it’s not, so, for that reason alone, you may wanna think twice
about downloading it for free. Now, that’s all I really wanted to cover, and thank you for watching
my first impressions/review of the Field of Three Battles here on Ignorant Gaming Reviews. Don’t stay tuned because there
probably aren’t any more coming… ever. Because I am a terrible person who cannot do anything right ever. [burp] Yes, I feel better. Thanks for asking!

100 thoughts on “LGR – Battlefield 3 Beta – Ignorant Review

  1. About the camping: I bet the people on your team cared about the flowers. And when you camp on such lovely grounds, you probably would crush the beautiful flowers, which would be terrible.

  2. I distinctly remember Facing Worlds to be in Admirable Contest 27, which came out before in 1997. Of course the game ran pretty poorly on my Windows 96 machine which had only 16 gigabits of memory loss

  3. @phreakindee

    Will this game run on my windows 98 machine with a 3dfx voodoo 3 card, 512MB of ram and a Gravis Ultrasound? i'm looking for all graphical details on ultra and 1920×1080 pixels, as well as a 7.1 surround sound. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Will this work on the Vectrex and have 60$ floppy disk DLC that adds 2 maps? If not, I'm sticking to Call of Booty 69 for the Commodore 64.

  5. I sure do hope Battlefield Tournament 2004 is coming soon on the Neo Geo Pocket Color with 100$ DLC for 1.5 maps.

  6. I died at Do Sex, my lungs hurt, somebody help me. My lungs aren't ready for this, they aren't augmented,

  7. Last I checked, there was about 9 Battlefield games. BF1, BF Alpha, BF Super hyper turbo internet DLC Edition, BF 2 pre-test, and then this: BF 3 Beta.

    What I wish they would do is give us lots of DRM and support for Winblows 98, since these two go GREAT together like Milk to Nails.

    Also we need it to be in 1.025d for the lack of action, as peace is the reason you play video gayms.

    If you did not get any of that, go drop your head on a table. You apparently do not know what sarcasm is.

  8. Who says trolls are just insecure moochers with inferiority complexes and daddy issues. Sometimes they actually have a use in society. Thanks, Phreakin! Enjoyed this vid!

  9. With Battlefield 4 Gamma coming soon, I'm hoping my precious Voodoo 3 can handle it, like it did BF3 Beta. If not, at least there's the next-gen Colecovision version. Caesar of Duty: Dog Whisperer won't stand a chance this fall, though.

  10. It was also available on the VZ2000 or vz200, because I can't remember which it was, but no mouse was available, but for a lot of money a cassette machine that didn't work was, which also helped… to save games you had to press record, which was play and the record buttons, which was dumb too… I pushed that around a lot with my foot… not sure that helped… I am glad you are thankful for my help! ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. I don't get what the difference is, they're both just Counterstrike with better graphics right? Yeah? Okay, then I'm equally disinterested, haha.

  12. This… is simply THE greatest video electronic board game review in the world of 1987. I can't wait to get Field of Battle Duty 3 Epsilon Unlimited Edition for my Nintendo Super Master System 64 II+

  13. Am I the only one who thinks these reviews are funny? You should do more, every now and again. I fucking love your normal LGRs, but this was really funny.

  14. is this game the prequel to the classic Battlezone from 1996 developed by Naughty Dog and published by Nintendo for the Sega Genesis and the Xbox, i think

  15. I know what you mean, I cant play an online game for 5 minutes without someone calling me a pile of sticks

  16. How are the controls on the 2600 version. Loved BF 2: Arm or Burred on the Vextrix. The multiplayer was the best when you had 64 of them in the same room.

    I've heard that there is rumors of some expansion packs of the single player coming. I've also heard of rumors of a ย re release of BF3: Alpha for the Famicon disk system with better sound. It will also include BF2 with more color. Cant wait.

  17. this "camping on the grass" you speak of……are there in-game tents that we can use? also i had an idea about the pile of sticks…..we could build a campfire? and even possibly sing songs maybe? and 2nd also, with the campfire, using it can we have weiners and buns and marshmellows? this would totally be an awesome dudebro good times.

  18. Clint, you're an absolute legend, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time, ive watched almost all your videos and like them too, but this, this takes the cake, you have done what I would have done with a person taking the piss out of me, except funnier. Top marks ๐Ÿ˜€

    Ps: terminator first person games for dos retrospective please

  19. I know that everything in this video is a joke…. but that a tremendous game like that… does not have "friendly fire" … I mean … come on … seriously .. !! ??

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