Memorable Moment: Kidding at the Museum


– A FEW YEARS AGO,
WE VISITED CHICAGO, AND I FOUND OUT THAT
IF YOU BRING A CHILD TO THE MUSEUM OF SCIENCE
AND INDUSTRY, YOU GET HALF PRICE. SO I BROUGHT A GROUP
OF MY FAVORITE KIDS TO TOUR THE MUSEUM
WITH ME. HI. I’M HERE
AT THE CHICAGO MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY. IT’S AFTER HOURS,
BUT HIDING IN THE BATHROOM FOR EIGHT HOURS
REALLY PAYS OFF. KIDS, COME ON OUT. HI.
COME ON, COME ON. THIS HAS BEEN GREAT. EIGHT HOURS ISN’T
THAT LONG AFTER ALL. I KNOW. AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO SAY,
“I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, ‘CAUSE WE WERE IN THERE.” I’M HERE WITH BRANDT
AND ALEX AND CINDY AND MARSHA
AND STEPHANIE AND HENRY. I’M NOT–OKAY,
I’M NOT GOOD WITH NAMES. SO MORE KIDS. SO THIS WILL BE FUN. SEE THIS THING? WHEN YOU SHAKE IT,
BECAUSE THAT’S LARGER, IT GOES ALL THE WAY
TO THE TOP. I HAVE ONE OF THESE AT HOME. THIS IS WHAT I DO. I HAVE ONE OF THESE. WE’LL PUT IT RIGHT THERE. I’LL CLOSE IT. HUH? – MAKE A SMOOTHIE? – YEAH, IT’S KIND OF– YOU CALL IT A SMOOTHIE. I CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT. THERE WE GO. AH. – [laughs] – ISN’T THAT GREAT?
I LOVE SCIENCE. CHEERS. WHY DON’T YOU KIDS
GO PLAY FOR A MINUTE? – OKAY. – ACTUALLY, I DON’T THINK
WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SPREAD OUT. – YOU DON’T HAVE
TO SPREAD OUT, BUT JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. – OKAY, GOOD-BYE. – GOOD-BYE, KIDS. WE’RE MOVING ON
TO A VERY IMPORTANT SECTION. THE HUMAN BODY. ON THE OUTSIDE,
ALL OF US ARE VERY DIFFERENT,
RIGHT? BUT ON THE INSIDE, WE’RE ALL THE SAME. WE’RE DISGUSTING. [laughter] I MEAN, LOOK AT US. – THAT’S A MAN. – WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW? – BECAUSE OF THAT PART. [kids giggling]
– I THINK I WANT TO SAY… I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. I DON’T KNOW
WHAT THAT IS. [kids giggling] – YOU KNOW WHAT’S
IN A TORNADO? WHO KNOWS? – IT’S HOT AND COLD AIR
CHASING EACH OTHER. – HOT AND COLD AIR
CHASING EACH OTHER. – YEAH, AND IT MAKES
A BIG VORTEX. – OKAY,
THAT’S A GOOD ANSWER. WHAT’S IN A HURRICANE? – UH… – RUM, LEMON JUICE,
GRENADINE, AND CRUSHED ICE. – IT’S HARD, RIGHT? – NO. – COME ON, SOMEBODY,
IT’S HARD. BOY, HE REALLY COMMITS
TO SOMETHING. HE’S STILL GOT
HIS EYES CLOSED. – I NEED
TO GET OUT OF HERE. – THIS IS NOT HARD. – IT IS HARD. HOLD MOMMY’S SMOOTHIE. [kids laughing] “DOES CHANGE EXCITE YOU
OR TERRIFY YOU? IT ALL DEPENDS
ON HOW YOUR MIND WORKS.” NO? – NO. [electrical zapping] SEE, IT TAUGHT YOU. SO WHO WANTS
TO DO THAT? – ME? – THE MORE YOU RELAX, THE FURTHER THAT BALL
IS GONNA PUSH TO THE OTHER SIDE. COME ON, RELAX! – [giggles] I CAN’T RELAX
IF YOU YELL AT ME A LOT! – RELAX! RELAX! [kids giggling] – DON’T HAVE ANY FINGERPRINTS. – IN SPACE,
THERE’S NO GRAVITY, SO THAT’S WHY EVERYONE
JUST, LIKE, FLOAT AROUND. – STOP TOUCHING THINGS. [electrical zapping] [laughter] KIDS, HE’S A DUMMY,
OKAY? COVER YOUR EARS. THESE KIDS
ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. IT’S A TORNADO. UM… [kids giggling] THE TOUR ALWAYS ENDS… WITH THE GIFT SHOP. BUT BECAUSE THE MUSEUM
IS CLOSED RIGHT NOW, AND IT’S JUST US IN HERE, I THOUGHT YOU HAVE
30 SECONDS. YOU ALL GET TO PICK
AS MANY THINGS AS YOU WANT IN 30 SECONDS. GRAB WHATEVER YOU WANT. [cheers and applause] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY. LET’S GO THIS WAY.
COME ON. WASN’T THAT FUN? – YEAH. – WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART? – I LIKE THE TWISTER. – I LIKE THE PENIS. [kids laughing] [cheers and applause]

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