Things Not To Say To Someone Who’s Been Sexually Assaulted

“You’re such an attention seeker.”
“But women lie about being raped all the time.”
“Yeah, I know it’s not your fault but please be careful now.”
“But you’re gay and he was straight. Isn’t that like, a bit of a fantasy?”
Jesus. Oh these people I just want to slap. “Were you drunk?” The first question I
got asked! It doesn’t fucking matter.
If I’m drunk and you take £5, like, out of my purse, that’s still you stealing the
£5! Just because I’m drunk doesn’t make it any different.
It’s not about us, it’s about the people who actually decide to do the attack.
And after how many drinks would you be asking for the rape? Oh God. “What were you wearing?”
It’s such a cliché that you don’t expect people to actually say it.
Assault is not about that. It’s about power, it’s about if you’re vulnerable not if
you’re attractive. “Men can’t be sexually assaulted.”
There’s a lie that rape is a female experience. Yeah and then again, that makes you less of
a man because that happened to you. How the hell do I ever admit to something
like that then? And that just adds to the whole background of just shame…
Yeah …and feeling like you definitely can’t
speak about it because it’s so not a manly thing to talk about. It’s so humiliating
to talk about. It goes to all genders, all ages, all beauty
standards, all sexualities. I’ve been working in the gay community since
I was 18 and just hearing of guys that have been raped or drug-raped is almost normalized. “Why didn’t you fight?”
With my situation the guy was about five times bigger than me and do you fight and then come
off worse and then lose? With me I was told that I was lucky because
I had defence wounds. I was like, oh yeah! Like it’s a clear-cut case. Aren’t you
lucky? I’m 6’4. I weigh a ton. I play rugby.
I’m a pretty strong person and everyone’s like, well hang on a second, how the hell
did anybody get you in a situation where you just couldn’t get out of it?
A lot of sexual assaults when somebody is like unconscious and like physically doesn’t
not even have the ability to protect themselves in any way.
Because maybe they have this idea that you were chased down an alleyway or something.
That stereotype- Obviously assaults do happen in alleyways but the majority of times, you know, they’re
in your bedroom, they’re in the lounge, they’re at a party, they’re outside, they’re
in a bloody field.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *