Uncensored – In Security – Nightmare at the Museum

(typing) – Uh! I sent this dick pic an
hour ago and nothing back! It’s not a weird
looking dick, right? – He looks frightened
and underfed. – Huh! Been feedin’ him plenty, okay. Ask the chubby day shift
hostess at Buffalo Wild Wings. Up top! (high five clap)
(Elmer laughs) – I don’t get it but
I love high five-ing. – (Sighs) Let me try again. – Richie, your nephew is, (camera shutter clicks) – Ugh! Looks like Stanley Tucci
covered in brisket. – Richie! – Jesus! What’s goin’ on? – Your nephew is here
for his school report, AKA stop being a
terrible person. – Ricky! I wish you hadn’t seen that. – Seen what? – Oh, I uh, uh, uh, was
taking a picture of my dick? – Good save.
(theme song music) ♪ Oh ♪ We got it made ♪ Yeah, nothing’s
gonna get us down ♪ No way ♪ Everything’s perfect ♪ ‘Cause baby we got it made – Uncle Richie, who’s your
favorite impressionist? – Frank Caliendo. What’s your report about? – Odd jobs. Must be hard to work long
hours without daylight and still protect all this art. – First off, you gotta
maintain a sense of authority. – Richie is that you? You got me working on
Easter cock sucker! That’s the rebirth of our
lord and motherfuckin’ savior! He died for our
sins and forgave us! I’m gonna fold you up like
origami and put you in my pussy! – Move to the side, to the side! – I can still see
you, motherfucker! You better not be
Sanduskin’ that child! – Hey, I don’t fuck kids okay! That doesn’t mean I don’t
think you’re handsome. I think you’re very handsome. (guitar strokes) – Thanks for taking me
through here Mr. Lyle. What’s this one mean? – 9-11 inside job. – This one? – CIA assassination of Ebert. – And this one? – Just the horse. – Ooh, pretty! What about this? – The WNBA’s a Jewish conspiracy
and mermaids are real. (funk guitar music) – Hey Richie, I
finished my report! – Well uh, well read
a little for us. – (clears throat) I can’t
wait to be an art cop. You get to drink, sleep
and yell at people. Even if they didn’t
do anything wrong. In closing, some day I’ll
be able to curse and drink. And uncle Richie says that
people who don’t curse or drink are either pussies or liars. And my mom said don’t
lie, so I’m getting drunk. (Richie claps) – You did good
kid, you did good. – Are you gonna
buy me ice cream? – First, you’re gonna
help me pick up some single moms at Curves,
but then ice cream it is. – You’re basically the
opposite of Atticus Finch. – More like
Abercrombie and Bitch. Am I right? – Have you ever read a book
without pictures in it? – More like Banana Repub-dick. – Well now we’re
just moving backward. ♪ We got it made ♪ Yeah nothing’s
gonna get us down ♪ No way ♪ Everything’s perfect (synthesized dissonant sounds)

39 thoughts on “Uncensored – In Security – Nightmare at the Museum

  1. didn't really enjoy the cheap comedy here. It wasn't even entertaining. What I want in a story like this is shooting, the main characters stealing art with GOOD one liners, and a freaking plot!

  2. To all you jabronis saying I'm the reason Futurama got cancelled I want you to know… you're right. I'm also the reason Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks got cancelled. I'm the reason Chapelle left, I'm the reason 2 and a Half Men's a hit, I'm the reason your parents broke up, I'm the reason you've got a fucked up face, and I'm the reason you've got a shitty dick or a floppy pussy, because I am the devil mother fuckers and I won't rest til this show's a hit and I fuck all of your Moms.

  3. "Must" you say that Toveyc1? Who's got a gun to your head saying that's if you don't leave a comment with your fat fucking fingers you'll never play Star Craft or eat Malomars again you national fucking embarrassment.

  4. I'm not a woman or black, but why is it whenever a black woman is put on something she has to be be a walking talking stereotype? Talk about weak sauce. This whole thing is about as funny as Hitler giving babies AIDS but forcing them to eat infected puppy meat.

  5. Comedy central you are so much better than this. I can't believe CC put their name on such a weak animation. South Park used to be roughly animated but it was stylized and hilarious

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